A MAN SAID HIS CREDIT CARD WAS STOLEN BUT HE DECIDED NOT TO REPORT IT BECAUSE THE THIEF WAS SPENDING LESS THAN HIS WIFE DID.

A WOMAN WAS TELLING HER FRIEND, "IT IS I WHO MADE MY HUSBAND A MILLIONAIRE. "AND WHAT WAS HE BEFORE YOU MARRIED HIM?" ASKED THE FRIEND. THE WOMAN REPLIED, "A BILLIONAIRE."

A LITTLE BOY ASKED HIS FATHER, "DADDY, HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO GET MARRIED? "AND THE FATHER REPLIED, "I DON'T KNOW SON, I AM STILL PAYING"

A COUPLE WAS HAVING A DISCUSSION ABOUT FAMILY FINANCES. FINALLY THE HUSBAND EXPLODED, "IF IT WEREN’T FOR MY MONEY, THE HOUSE WOULDN’T BE HERE! " THE WIFE REPLIED, MY DEAR, IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOUR MONEY, I WOULDN’T BE HERE."

A MAN MEETS A GENIE. THE GENIE TELLS HIM HE CAN HAVE WHATEVER HE WANTS, PROVIDED THAT HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW GETS DOUBLE. THE MAN THINKS FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAYS, "OK, GIVE ME A MILLION DOLLARS AND BEAT ME HALF TO DEATH. "

AT THE COCKTAIL PARTY, ONE WOMAN SAID TO ANOTHER, "AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR WEDDING RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? "THE OTHER REPLIED, " YES, I AM, I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN. "

FIRST GUY (PROUDLY): "MY WIFE’S AN ANGEL!"; SECOND GUY: "YOU'RE LUCKY, MINE’S STILL ALIVE."

YOUNG SON: IS IT TRUE, DAD, I HEARD THAT IN SOME PARTS OF AFRICA A MAN DOESN’T KNOW HIS WIFE UNTIL HE MARRIES HER? DAD: THAT HAPPENS IN EVERY COUNTRY, SON.

A MAN INSERTED AN 'AD' IN THE CLASSIFIEDS: "WIFE WANTED". NEXT DAY HE RECEIVED A HUNDRED LETTERS. THEY ALL SAID THE SAME THING. "YOU CAN HAVE MINE."

THE TROUBLE WITH BEING THE BEST MAN AT A WEDDING IS THAT YOU NEVER GET TO PROVE IT."

MY WIFE TOLD ME I SHOULD BE MORE AFFECTIONATE. SO I GOT TWO GIRL FRIENDS.

THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO REMEMBER YOUR WIFE'S BIRTHDAY IS TO FORGET IT ONCE.